Sometimes we all have those days where our heads are all jumbled in self-doubt and self-pity. Those times when we focus on all the bad and spiral into overthinking mode on overdrive. I’ve found myself in and out of these times recently as I think back about some triggering things from my past and forward to the challenges of just plain life ahead this year. I’m not worthy, I’m not enough, no one really cares. I simply just can’t. All these lies and shame messages bombard my head at times.
I Know the Truth... But
At these moments, I know in my head some of the answers. I mean I know that God is still there and that He made me a certain way. I know He loves me and has a plan. I know that people around me care, and I also know that they are all fighting their own battles in life. I know my family is there for me and that I have so much to be thankful for.
Then why the heck do I feel so down at these times and almost slip into a depressive “woe is me” overthinking cycle!? Well, there’s a reason that the saying “trust the process” is so important and used so much. There’s a reason they tell us in recovery to “do the next right thing” and to “be where our hands are.” There’s a reason God tells us to guard our hearts and what we focus our thoughts toward.
At These Times
Sometimes I just need some time to myself and feel like literally ignoring all that good advice and truth I know in my head is the solution. It’s at these times when I’m so thankful for God’s patience, my wife, and some good mentors and friends to all steer my head back on track. I need that accountability and legit loving community… the kind that actually cares to just hear me spew out what’s going on inside… the kind that affirms that it plain sucks… OH BUT also the kind that redirects my thoughts back on the friggin track God has for me. Yep, these ones are not many in my life, but as few as they are, they are God’s very voice and hands to help me refocus and know that it is going to be ok.
Vulnerably,
- Derek
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